Claire (Xinyue) Hu '17 Recruiting Profile

I swam competitively since I was 10, which did wonders for my aerobic and muscular strength and helped me stand out in running among my peers. However, while swimming set me up for future successes in running, the host of self-esteem issues it left behind also led to my downfall; no matter how much effort I put into the sport, I could never swim as fast as my teammates, a reality that made me feel like a failure. After working myself to exhaustion during the summer swim season before freshman year and not seeing any results, I opted to try cross country.

After running a few races and consistently placing well, I believed that running was the solution to my feelings of inferiority--finally, there was something I was good at, a sport where my improvement was directly proportionate to how hard I worked. Intoxicated by my successes in running and pressured by the hopes that our team could make State, I began training excessively and made poor dietary choices to try to lose weight.  Coupled with how swimmers have low bone density due to a lack of impact training, my body protested with a stress reaction in my right shin a week before our State qualifying meet.  

At this time, I knew I had two choices; race injured and possibly help carry my team to State, or not race and be burdened with the possibility of what could have been (while being less injured). I chose the former, taking pain meds on race day and helping the team place 2nd by a mere 10 points (only top 2 teams move on to State). I couldn’t even walk to the awards ceremony afterwards or make it back to the bus on my own.

Afterwards, I realized that my self-esteem issues regarding my own value weren’t truly resolved, though my achievements in cross country helped hide it for so long. That incident was a wake-up call to the fact that I placed too much emphasis on running as a part of my identity and value. Upon losing both, my mental health deteriorated and I lapsed into depression and despair.  To make it worse, my swim coach had to leave the team, and I lost one of the people that supported me regardless of how well I performed, since he accepted me for my work ethic rather than my times (which was the complete opposite of how I viewed myself). He was replaced by a coach who didn’t understand how badly I was injured when I returned to swimming, one who would passive-aggressively insinuate that I wasn’t trying hard enough at practice, even though she had absolutely no knowledge of my background. I felt utterly alone.

After another year of body image issues and intermittent injuries due to my impatience during recovery and lack of restraint in training, I finally recognized, and resolved, with the guidance of my mom, the sole cause of my distress: comparing myself to others. Instead of categorizing my success based on the standards set by my (very competitive) high school community, I chose to step out of the bubble and pursue the activities I’m passionate about rather than what would look good on my high school transcript: educating my peers on the benefits of a vegan diet, which I adopted to overcome my weight gain and poor body image, and running (because I love it, not for what it brings me, but rather how happy and strong it makes me feel).

Academically, I aim high, but I know my limits. My goals are to do the best I can in high school and to pursue a major I love in college--something related to nutrition, biology, or sports medicine. I believe that I will be an asset to whichever cross country/track team I join because of my experience with injuries and the knowledge and self-awareness I’ve acquired through them. Additionally, my passion toward the sport and dedication to my teammates will help us pull through the hard times and to hopefully achieve our individual and team goals.